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Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

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MichiganA young, married teacher in Michigan who was fired earlier this week amid allegations of having sex with two students — including one illicit romp inside a car — is now facing criminal charges, authorities said.

The former special education teacher, Kathryn Marie Houghtaling, is set to be arraigned Friday on six counts of third-degree criminal sexual conduct, Oakland County Undersheriff Michael McCabe told the Detroit News. …

Houghtaling, 26, was fired Tuesday from Rochester High School after an internal investigation by Rochester Community Schools. District officials said the alleged incidents occurred outside of school hours.

But sources told WXYZ that Houghtaling — whose social media accounts were largely wiped clean of identifying data as of Friday — had sex with two students in both an apartment and a car. …

[A] neighbor, Bart Fox, said he’s having a hard time coming to grips with what Houghtaling allegedly did.

“That’s gross, that’s disgusting,” Fox told the station. “I mean, she should be embarrassed of herself. … My daughter, really she plays out here in the summertime with a whole bunch of kids from down the street,” he said. “Like, are they really safe?” …

Houghtaling, who also previously taught in Pontiac, is now facing up to 15 years in prison if convicted.

What kind of a neighbor are you, Bart Fox? Kathryn Marie Houghtaling is cheating on her husband with two high school students at the same time. Does that make her a criminal or something? I mean … well of course it does. But does that make her someone who’d hurt your little girl while she’s riding bikes or drawing with sidewalk chalk in your neighbors driveway? No.

She’s got a proclivity for cucking her husband by getting London Bridged by teenage males. Is that “gross” and “disgusting?” Again, sure it is. But let’s not make her out to be a monster.  I’m sure the 16- and 17-year-olds double teaming her would agree. Stop trying to be a hero and just try to be a good neighbor.

The Grades:
Looks: She’s so close. So, so close to being attractive. But I’m fairly certain she’s got cleidocranial dysplasia like Dustin in Stranger Things and those Fios ads.
Grade: C-

Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: You’ve got to appreciate Kathryn Marie’s all out level of hustle. It’s tough enough for her to pull a student out of her class to humiliate her husband and destroy her career. Just imagine the effort is takes to get two. Your odds of rejection aren’t just double, they’re exponentially harder. What if one or the other isn’t interested? Or is interested, but only if he’s doing her solo? Not to mention just the sheer logistics of the vehicle 3-way. All those piles of clothes, elbows flying, heads bumping into windows and the ceiling. It’s not Jack & Rose in the back seat of a Model-T, I can assure you. So well done. If banging two of your high school students in your car ever gets a its own verb, that verb should be “Houghtaling.”
Grade: A

Intangibles: She also taught Science in Pontiac? I wonder if she taught DP in a Pontiac.
Grade: A

Overall: B-. Sorry it wasn’t higher, but I’ve got to go where the facts – and photos – take me.

Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 or email me at jerry@barstoolsports.com. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.