PETA Demands That Mars Be Colonized As 100% Vegan

Huff Po – Doubling-down on a request made back in 2011, animal rights group PETA is once again urging future colonizers of Mars to adopt a purely vegan diet. The group’s latest appeal comes on the heels of a report that SpaceX founder Elon Musk may attempt a Mars landing as soon as 2018. Back in November, Musk outlined long-term plans that would send as many as 80,000 people to the planet for around $500,000 per ticket.  “At Mars, you can start a self-sustaining civilization and grow it into something really big,” he said.  For PETA, the opportunity to start over means going forward without animal products. “The opportunity to colonize Mars means a chance to make a fresh start, especially now that we’ve degraded our own planet by treating our fellow animals like disposable widgets, filled the air with pollution that will soon make the sky in ‘Soylent Green’ look clear, and populated the Earth with so many humans that the premise of ‘Logan’s Run’ starts to look practical,” writes PETA. “We can get off on the right foot on our new biosphere by ensuring that SpaceX crafts traveling to Mars are stocked only with vegan food and that Mars’ colonists commit to enjoying an animal-free diet once they’ve arrived. Ensuring that Mars is a vegan planet (rather than importing animal products from Earth or creating factory farms on our new home) would protect animals from the horrors that they endure in the meat, egg, and dairy industries.”

Great idea, PETA. Lets start off intergalactic colonization with a bunch of fucking pussies eating tofu. Really staking our claim over the rest of the universe with your “save the animals” bullshit. Let me ask you something – when Neil Armstrong, God rest his soul, planted that American flag on the moon, was it in the name of animal-kind? No. It was in the name of Mankind. And Mankind rules the planet earth. It eats animals and makes them do all the really hard work and shit. Thats the way you dominate a planet. So when aliens show up on Planet Pussy and see everyone eating bean sprouts drinking soy milk what do you think is the first thing they are gonna do? Oh, you probably don’t even know because you’re fucking PETA and you live with your head’s up your asses. I’ll tell you – they are going to strategically position their spaceships over our major colonies on Mars and simultaneously eradicate us with laser beam weapons. Because they’re gonna take one look at this civilization eating like a bunch of bitches bowing down to animals and realize we deserve to be extinct.

I mean use your goddam head, PETA. Does vegan astronaut ice cream even exist? How the fuck are we going to get to Mars in the first place if the astronauts can’t even survive the journey eating their spaceship ice cream? You guys are so worried about fucking bunny rabbits and chickens you can’t even grasp the basics of space travel.