Jeff Bezos' Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife Will Get Nearly 70 MuFucking BILLION Dollars In A Divorce

Despite the headline, you all know that I am GUTTED anytime people get divorced. Each night at 9 pm, I say my prayers for those going through a divorce. I say, “Lord, this freaking stinks.” So, don’t take this as a celebration for love that has gone dry. I hate that. I loathe that. That being said, it’s party time for Mrs. Bezos.

If I divorced Bezos, I’d be wetter than the Pacific. Sure, you’ve been rich for a long time at that point but now… NOW, you’d be rich and not have to live with someone who has the passion, drive, and motivation to earn all that money. Living with someone like Bezos would be terrible. He’s probably the type of guy who is all like, “Alexa, wake me up at 3:45am so I can get a good workout before working my 18-hour day.”

“Ok. Waking you up at 3:45am despite the fact that you have 130+ Billion dollars, daddy.”

His Alexa probably calls him daddy…

Now, it will be her whom is called daddy when she has that sweet, sweet, 70 billion transferred to her account. You go, girl. You go and do whatever the fuck you want, whenever the fuck you want.

Ellie wrote about this on the Chicks side of the house too. We had pretty similar takes. Pretty woke by me.

And before anyone asks, yes. I would suck dick for 70 billion dollars and that doesnt even begin to describe what I’d do for 70 billion dollars. Would I eat his ass? Buddy, I’d turn his shitter into an apple fritter.