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Asshole Hipster Legally Named "Beautiful Existence" Vows To Only Eat and Drink At Starbucks For An Entire Year

MSNA lot of folks like to begin their day with a quick stop at Starbucks for a cup of morning joe, but one Seattle woman is planning to make more stops than anyone else. The woman, whose legal name is Beautiful Existence, will be eating food and drinking beverages in 2013 only from the global coffeehouse. It’s not a publicity stunt on behalf of the company, and she’s not being paid. Miss Existence just likes to set yearlong challenges for herself: In 2011, for example, she shopped only at Goodwill. She plans to blog about her experience, which presumably will include tales of staff spelling her name wrong on her cup and forgetting that extra shot of espresso.

We’re 10 days into 2013. We’ve got 355 days left. And I’ve already found the worst bitch of the year. Technically Christina Gonzalaz The Subway Disgrace was 2012, so she’s not eligible for the title of “Person KFC Wants To Kill With His Bare Hands In 2013.” Although she may just be the worst human being of all time. But this broad Beautiful Existence ain’t far behind. Give me one redeeming quality about this girl. You can’t do it. She’s ugly, she’e a hipster, she’s from Seattle and she’s an attention whore. Thats like the top 4 things on my list to decide whether or not I hate you. Oh and she dressed in homeless people’s clothes all of 2011. Thats not officially on my list but lets just say its not helping your cause if you’re already 0 for 4. She’s like a new age hipster version of “It’s Pat.” Look at me, look at me! You can’t tell if I have a dick or a vagina! Look at me, look at me! I changed my name to something unorthodox! Look at me, Look at me! I’m only gonna eat Starbucks while I wear dirty bed bug clothing from the Salvation Army! I’m gonna go around burning down every Starbucks in Seattle. That’ll end your precious little Beautiful Existence pretty damn quick.