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The First Nudist Restaurant In Paris Shuts Down Due To A Lack Of Customers

Oh no! What a shame. Seemed like a bulletproof business, too. The French are perverts. Everyone knows that. A nude restaurant would seem to suit their thirst quite nicely, non? Well, just like nude beaches, the idea probably looked a lot better on paper. In reality, you show up with your date for a funny night out, and you’re seated at a table next to 14 gawking fat old guys like you occasionally see in porn scenes where the nurse seduces the hospice care patient.

You’re telling me people didn’t want to chew next to this?

I’ve got six men to one woman here, and I’m only saying woman because of that generous cut of side boob. Sweet ratio boys! Lovely setting for a terrine of foie gras. Blechhhh.

I’m not body-shaming here; I’m nude-eating shaming. I’m surprised the restaurant lasted as long as it did. Imagine you’re in a locker room at your local gym, and a waiter brings you a nice plate of fish. Just as you’re about to tuck in, two 80-year-old men walk out of the steam room with their powdered, gnarled, knuckly dicks jiggling by your trout. Would you finish the bite? I would, because trout is trout. But I wouldn’t enjoy the meal. And I certainly wouldn’t come back.

Au revoir, O’Naturel. Thanks for the images.