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Jerry Jones Bought A Big Boat. Now I Feel Poor

Per TMZ Sports, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones spent $250 million on a 357-foot yacht with two helipads and a gymnasium, massage room, steam room, plunge pool and rain shower as an early Christmas present to himself and his family Dec. 20.

So Jerry Jones bought a new boat. It’s pretty decent. Why do I care? Well this is just a cruel reminder that I’m fake rich. I feel like people act like I’m some pompous rich asshole nowadays. That I’ve lost my roots. That’s I’m not a common man anymore. It’s insane. Yeah I get it. I own 3 million dollar homes. One in Swampscott, one in Boston and one in Nantucket. Yeah I have millions in the bank. Yeah I left Fanduel Sportsbook with 60K cash in my pocket yesterday. Yeah I have more money than most people dream of obtaining. But I’m not real rich. I’m just rich compared to Joe Burger King. But I’m not rich compared to real rich people. Not compared to people who own yachts, oil and horses. I can’t dream of that type of wealth.

In fact some may say I’m in a worse spot knowing what real rich is like but not being able to obtain it. That I’d be better off renting tiny apartments and taking vacations to the Jersey Shore with white trash America. This is the long way of saying that people need to stop saying I’m greedy for introducing Barstool Gold. For charging people a measly 1 dollar a week for premium content when they say I’m already rich beyond my wildest dreams. That I should be satisfied with how many zeros are in my bank account at this point and call it a day. Well that’s just not true. I mean we have a long way to go before I have generational wealth. Before I dine with Sheiks and Sultans and can buy sports teams and private jets. I’m (I mean we’re) nowhere close to where we need to be. So sorry that I need to ask for 1 dollar a week to get me (I mean we) one step closer to that mega yacht. I guess if you hate the American Dream you hate Barstool Gold.