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I know what you’re thinking right away. No. I dont wanna fuck this guy because he’s playing two guitars at once. That’s easy. Anyone can do that.

Look at this dude’s nails. They’re like vampire teeth. In other words, they are perfect.

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For years I’ve tried to improve the quality and looks of my nails. I simply don’t have the discipline to accomplish such a lofty goal. In the winter of 2013, I made a New Year’s resolution to grow my nails out to a beautiful length so that I could satisfy even the peskiest of itches. Here I am, 6 years later, and I am no closer to quelling the burning that lingers below my skin like a fire. Some say that it has to do with the scabies that I contracted in ’99 via a small bull on a ranch in Florida. Those scabies are long gone thanks to the modern science of medicine and topical ointments. While greasy, it certainly worked.

Either way, this fella plays a beautiful double guitar but I find his performance a little indulgent. When I play double guitar, I don’t do it like, “look at me.” I play for the sake of the music. Feels like this is all for youtube clicks and not the artistry of art.

He gets a little closer when he plays Sweet Child of Mine by longtime stoolies Guns and Roses.

As for advice, I’d say that he needs to let the music wash over himself like a lovely bar of Irish Spring soap. The scent from that soap is as spellbinding as music is supposed to be. I think we can all agree on that.