Wayne Rooney Got Arrested For Being Shitfaced In An Airport

ESPN — D.C. United striker Wayne Rooney was arrested in Loudoun County, Virginia, in December on a public intoxication charge, according to police records.

We interrupt the football to bring you some futbol news, as it seems Wayne Rooney has been arrested for being drunk in an airport.

If I’ve said this once I’ve said it a million times: there should be no such thing as being drunk in an airport. All alcohol laws should cease to exist as soon as you get through TSA. Once you’ve been patted down and finish getting re-dressed in public then you’re in some kind of drunk Narnia, a forever spring break, international waters, Las Vegas, whatever you choose to call it. Alcohol should be served ’round the clock and as long as you’re not fighting then you should be allowed to go about your inebriated business.

Having said that, this is very impressive from Rooney. As a guy who’s been quite drunk in an airport and hasn’t been hassled in the slightest I don’t even know how you achieve such a feat as getting the attention of the authorities. I’ve teleported countless times in my life. I’ve gotten drunk in NYC and woken up in Colombia, had a few beers in California and woke up in Boston, had a whiskey at Heathrow and next thing I new I was at a Red Sox game. Not once did anyone say, “Excuse me, you’re under arrest.”

So while I’m an advocate of anyone in an airport being allowed to drink to their heart’s desire, I remain quite impressed that Rooney is such a fantastic drinker others decided to take note of it.