I Chirped A Rodeo Clown At Last Night's PBR Event And Ended Up Getting Pulled Onto The Floor Of MSG
So Kate hit me last night and asked if I wanted to go to the Professional Bull Riding event that was being held at MSG. She had been comped a few tickets after having two of the sport’s up and coming riders on Hi Haters earlier last week. I was reluctant at first, because as much as I love a southern accent, the bull riding crowd isn’t exactly “my scene”, if you get what I’m saying. Regardless, one of my New Year’s resolutions was to be more social, so I decided to go and I’m glad I did. Upon arrival we were greeted by crowds of angry protesters upset about God knows what. They were literally screaming in our faces on our way into the area. One guy holding a PETA sign called me a “scumbag piece of shit” for going to the event, which I loved. I documented the whole thing on my Instagram story if you want to check it out.
We made our way down to our seats. We were only five rows up so our view was unbelievable. Here’s an unflattering photo to give you an idea of how close we were to the action.
We were so close to the ring that we could literally see the lines in the bull’s tied up nut sack bouncing around as he jumped up and down. It was the first time I had ever seen a bull up close. I know it goes without saying, but these animals are fucking massive. One of the bulls was named “Church Bells” and it was fifteen-HUNDRED pounds…and FAST. He bucked his rider in two seconds then started sprinting around the ring like a psycho looking for more victims. I kept waiting for one of the bulls to go Malice At The Palace and jump into the crowd but that moment never came, thank God.
Anyway, we watched a bunch of riders, Kate cheered on her buddies Tanner and Keyshawn, and we were having a great time. That’s when I noticed one of the rodeo clowns, or as they call them, “bull fighters”, was dancing every time a song a came on. He wasn’t just bopping his head either, he was really getting into it. The guy would do a full blown routine to the song that was being played over the loud speaker. It was funny, so naturally I decided to film him and tweeted out the following:
Decent tweet, could’ve been worded better, but what do I know? I’m not Ellie Schnitt. Fast forward five minutes and I’m being tapped on the shoulder by a guy behind me who tells me to look into the ring. Sure enough, the rodeo clown I tweeted is standing on the rails yelling, “I’M NOT GAY! I’M NOT GAY!” directly in my face. Turns out there was a Stoolie there who quote tweeted my tweet and @’d him which he may or may not have appreciated. To be honest, I was shocked and kind of scared. I thought, of all the ways to die, I’m going to be murdered in a bull ring for calling one of the entertainers gay. It felt like that scene in Borat where he sings the Kazakh national anthem except I was Borat and it wasn’t a joke.
He started waving for me to come down to the ring and I obliged. When I got there he shook my hand and said he wanted to bring me over the announcers stand. “Great, a public execution,” I thought to myself. I walked over to the announcers’ stand and couldn’t have been more wrong. The guys thought my tweet was funny and wanted to show me around.
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I hung out in the booth for the next hour drinking beer with the announcers (RIP sober January) and watching people ride. It was awesome. We were directly on top of what would be the home baseline of the Knicks. I asked if I could throw a hat on and get out there for one of the matches, but it was a no-go due to “insurance reasons.” Once the night died down, Brandon, the announcer, was able to bring me, Kate, video editor Nick, and MB onto the dirt/shit covered floor to show us around. I didn’t realize how cool it was until I looked up and saw that I was standing at center court of Madison Square Garden, the mecca, in the exact location where some of the most iconic sporting and entertainment events in history have taken place. I managed to squeeze off two photos to commemorate the moment. The first is a selfie and the second is me under the jumbotron.
Overall it was an awesome night and it made me a PBR fan for life. Shout out to Brandon, Flint, and the entire PBR crew for showing us a great time. If you’re in a city where a PBR event is taking place, make sure you go. Even if you don’t get the VIP treatment, it’s still an awesome experience and something worth checking out.
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