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Here Are The Best Cheesy New Year's Jokes For You To Use

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^(Example of what people will look like after you use these jokes. Results may vary)^

If you didn’t return yesterday, everyone has definitely returned to work today. You’re going to want to be locked and loaded with your best cheesy New Year’s jokes both in and outside of work. Everyone’s favorite guy in the office is the one who comes over to your desk and makes cheesy jokes your dad would make.

Ex.

Person: “Looking good, did you get a haircut?”

Me: “Nah, I got them all cut!”

*loud laughter from everyone within earshot until they are blue in the face*

Here are some possible jokes you can take with you to the cubes/life in general to get a ton of laughs and make everyone like you and definitely not think you’re annoying.

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When seeing someone for the first time, call them by their last name and say….

“Smith, you son of a bitch, how the hell are ya? Feels like it’s been a year since we’ve talked!”

He will bend over in laughter

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This one is for after you eat lunch. If you had, for example, a slice of pizza …..

“I gotta tell you Clayton, this is the best slice of pizza I’ve had all year…..

*long dramatic pause*

…. And the worst!”

Clayton’s face will turn purple from laughing so hard that he choked on his lunch.

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For any general task you complete, say

“Gee, I hadn’t done that since last year but looks like I still got it!”

People who hear it will say “Ha, you are the man!”

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When saying goodbye to someone you hadn’t seen yet in 2019

“Hey good seeing you today. Let’s not wait another year to see each other!”

Tears of laughter will fall down their cheeks.

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If you don’t get paid on the first of the month, go to your finance/accounting department and say…

“Hey is everything alright? I haven’t been paid since last year!”

They may actually laugh themselves to death.

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This one isn’t really a cheesy joke, but just in general, talk way too much about New Year’s resolutions. Push people on their resolutions to the point where the conversation becomes uncomfortable. Also be sure to share your multiple resolutions and give lengthy explanations on each one. If they look thoroughly disinterested, that’s fine. Keep going.

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There are many other generic ones you can just tailor to your situation. Yesterday at the end of Barstool Radio, I said “Guys I’m just gonna say it. Best show all year!”

The joke absolutely fucking killed.

You are now armed with some killer one liners to drop. You will be the funniest person in your office in no time.

Hope you guys enjoyed. In my opinion, it’s the best blog I’ve written this year!