Japanese Monks Troll Police Officers With Displays Of Incredible Hand-Eye Coordination

Social media, you’ve done it again. Here’s a little lesson for all the Japanese police officers reading my blogs through Google translate: you is tell monk Robes driving no good me? He’s gonna rally his pals and prove you more wrong than you’ve ever been in your life. Might even inspire you to hang up that badge and take up some sort of circus act, which apparently is a prerequisite for the brotherhood of monks because ALL THESE DUDES are dextrous as hell. Were just scratching the surface with that Japanese juggling Harry Potter up there. Look at this tomfoolery:

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I’ve never seen someone jump rope and hackisack at the same time! That blew my mind as much as the first time someone did handjob and blowjob at the same time. Multitasking at its finest. You won’t see this at your local crossfit box! Or maybe you will, in some WOD named after a monk who lit himself on fire. “Larry”: five rounds of fifty double-under hackisacks, 20 gong smacks, and 10 cross-legged wall sits for time. Winner gets to put his initials on the board. Don’t worry about form—if you injure yourself, you know it’s working.

Next:

Slicing snowflakes out of the air like a training montage scene in Kill Bill. You think a robe is going to stop @harima_mekkai from splitting flakes in Jan? That’s the IDEAL outfit for this activity, which is a common activity among young actors auditioning for the sequel to The Last Samurai (“The Last Samurai: Actually The Last One This Time”).

Give me more!

Devilishly devil-sticking. I loved this toy so much. Didn’t have the trick arsenal that this guy has, but that’s because I wasn’t a monk—the job that allows for the most time to practice one’s devil-sticking. Seriously, they have time.

“How was your two-day solo retreat in the woods?”

“Mindful.”

“We went to check on you and we heard a lot of click-clacking…”

“What?! Oh, uhm, that was me, tapping rocks against trees.”

“Sounded like devil sticks.”

“Ah, perhaps. But the mind is a powerful tool.”

“What?”

“So what’s for lunch?”

And lastly:

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I don’t actually think this guy is a monk. He may be, but my guess is that this is just some dude who wanted to capitalize on a trending fad. He’s a huge Star Wars buff and he threw on his robe, loaded some brand-new batteries into his toy lightsaber, and performed the routine he used at last summer’s camp talent show. He’s a total diva, too. The talent show was scheduled for 7PM but in July, the sun doesn’t set until 8:30. He threw a fit, explaining that his act doesn’t really work until it’s dark out. So they pushed it to 9PM. Many of the campers fell asleep in their chairs. All for lightsaber guy. Who isn’t even a real monk.

After all these demonstrations, you can bet the police won’t be issuing anymore robe-restriction driving tickets. And that’s freeing. Monks 1, Cops 0.