4th of July Collection | Now Available at the Barstool StoreSHOP HERE

Advertisement

Police Rushed To a Scene Where a Man Was Screaming "Why Don't You Die?" - He Was Trying To Kill a Spider

Screen Shot 2019-01-02 at 2.21.45 AM

The Guardian

Police in Western Australia have confirmed they sent multiple officers to an emergency call that turned out to be a screaming man with a “serious fear” of spiders. A concerned passerby was walking outside a house in suburban Perth when they heard a toddler screaming and a man repeatedly shouting “Why don’t you die?”

After they called triple zero, officers arrived to find a man “trying to kill a spider”, who apologised for having an extreme fear of the arachnid. An officer at Wanneroo police station confirmed to Guardian Australia that the incident occurred, but declined to provide further comment. The Wanneroo police account had tweeted the screenshot on Wednesday morning, but it was later deleted.

I fucking hate spiders. I know they’re part of the life cycle and they kill certain things that helps us out in the end, but I could certainly do without them and face the consequences. There’s a giant spider in Lord of the Rings that freaks me out. Harry Potter too. The Mist? Worst movie experience of my life minus the bug scene in King Kong (FUCK THAT SCENE). Over break I was cleaning out my closet when I found a “big” one crawling on a jacket of mine. I debated getting some gasoline and lighting the entire room on fire to make sure the job got done. After I realized I didn’t have a spare jug of gasoline lying around the house, I opted to find a shoe and kill the creature before it could go on the attack. Terrifying shit. What I’m getting at is that I can relate to this man. When I find myself battling an arachnoid I turn into a little girl scared of her own shadow. If I lived in Australia, the home of giant spiders, I would call the cops every time I found one. It kills me to post this tweet of pictures because I’m mortified of them, but look at these motherfuckers.

Yeah, nope. I might skip calling the police and go straight to Interpol or CTU. Australia has warm weather and hot women with awesome accents, but they also have killer sharks and spiders. What is the upside of living there? You are literally fighting for survival every single day. Australia makes Florida seem like Wyoming. No thanks.

TBT when this guy lit an entire gas station on fire to kill a spider. A man ahead of his times.

P.S. While reading about spiders in Australia I came across a gif of a spider shedding it’s skin. It’s the most horrifying thing I have ever laid my eyes on. I just want you to know I’m a hero for not sharing it in here. You are welcome. I won’t sleep ever again.