I’m still feeling residual festiveness and generosity from Christmas, so I decided to take a quick break from working on a much more comprehensive Best of 2018-style blog to pay homage to some of the boldest and most memorable stunts pulled by ex-boyfriends this year. But I must warn you: as a former and current ex-boyfriend who’s been known to dabble in the art of savagery, even I was blown away by the steel-plated balls on some of these reckless rascals.
1. This ass-ingesting Savage of the Year went NUCLEAR on timelines around the world when he publicly revealed that he WILLINGLY drank his ex-girlfriend’s SPIT.
2. One McSavage please. Hold the mercy! The 2018 Savage Ex silver medalist left his sympathy in the car when he waltzed into his local McDonald’s on January 4th.
3. How about this barbaric bad boy who eviscerated his bitter ex with a humiliating reminder that HIS TONGUE was once on HER ASS?!?!
4. In one of the most underrated displays of savagery of the year, this self-proclaimed “gentleman” EPICLY OWNED his stupid ex by consuming one of her boogers and comparing it to a delicious, fruity candy.
5. Viral legend, NoBrosMo turned his snapback backwards and INCINERATED his ex to ashes in an epic Burger King showdown that happened just a few days ago.
6. This untamed, sexual savage had dozens of Twitter users begging for air when he literally and figuratively put his ex’s ASS on BLAST.
7. The HR department at Panera Bread must’ve had their hands full on January 4th when not one, but TWO of their employees got MURDERED by a savage ex-boyfriend in the most unethical way possible.
8. Thanks to conveniently-placed and contextually-appropriate emojis, even illiterate Twitter users were able to decipher the cold, hard savageness in this epic ex’s infamous February tweet.
9. In a Shyamalan-esque twist that left readers around the world gawking at their phone screens, this devious daredevil revealed to the world that he was, in fact, the true savage all along.
10. Unlike this feral animal with a savage palate, I spit out my drink after reading the zany ridiculousness that he pulled on his nonfictional girlfriend in a real McDonald’s.