Secretary Mattis Releases A Video That Can Only Be Described As Pure And Unadulterated Propaganda

As many of you know, I love being a Marine. It’s the title in my life that means the most to me besides husband and father. Being a Marine shaped me more than anything else I’ve done in my life. That being said, I would be doing you, dear reader, a disservice if I didnt push back on this idea that, and I’m quoting here, “Marines read.”

I would like to state for the record that this outright lie serves as a slap in the face to the very hallmarks of our beloved Corps. At no time, at no time, in my nearly a decade of service did I or any other Marine I know, “read 5 books within a calendar year.”

As for the matter of Lance Corporals being able to, and I’m quoting again, “articulate the nobility of the wars we are in today better than the spokesmen in Washington DC.” My dear friends, that sounds like we need better spokesmen in Washington, DC. After all, the most common phrase for Lance Corporals in the Marine Corps is, and once again I’m quoting here, “Lance Corporal don’t know.”

We march to the sounds of the guns. We quit our posts only when properly relieved. We eat crayons. We certainly don’t read 5 books a year. That’s like a book a week. There’s simply no time for reading between weekly haircuts, formation runs, and fucking your bitch. Gotcha.

For that reason and that reason alone, Secretary Mattis knowingly released propaganda which, lest we forget is, “information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view.” Marines dont read 5 books a year. To state that we do is a gross mischaracterization and I wont stand for even coming off the beautiful lips of an illustrious legend like James Mattis.