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According to Rumors, the Next Head Coach of the Bengals Will Be ... Hue Jackson. Yes, Please.

SourceThe Cincinnati Bengals have a plan to fix a problem by promoting another problem. It’s quite the game plan.

Bengals fans have had a rough year, but hope is on the horizon as Marvin Lewis may finally be out of town after another losing season. The only problem is, the replacement doesn’t exactly have a history of winning.

Cincinnati may get rid of Lewis only to promote Hue Jackson to head coach. … Jackson could have been hired midseason to get things in order within the organization, as a promotion is easier than hiring him from the outside.

I don’t know how likely it is that the Bengals hired Hue Jackson with the idea of replacing Marvin Lewis with him.  will say that, while I don’t agree with everything Bucky Brooks says, in general he comes across as a pretty level-headed guy who’s plugged into some legit league sources. So I’ll take Brooks at his word there’s something here at least and he’s not just pulling speculation out of his ass just to electrify a podcast.

What I do know for sure is I don’t want Hue Jackson taking over the Bengals. I need Hue Jackson taking over the Bengals. I need it like I need alcohol; I could live without both, but that’s not the life I’d prefer.

Hue is the one man who could out Marvin Lewis Marvin Lewis. He’s the perfect replacement. The next in line of suck-cession to the Throne of Awfulness. The architect of the 3-36-1 record supplanting the genius behind the 0-7 lifetime playoff mark. Two records of futility that will never be broken.

As far as anyone can tell, Jackson is the only coach in history to be on the staff of two different last place teams in the same division in the same year. The Browns were 2-5-1 when he was fired and are 3-2 since. The Bengals were 5-4 when he was hired and are 0-4 since. Making him an astonishing 3-40-1 since 2016 in his chosen profession. If losing is a disease like the hypnotist says in The Natural, then he’s Patient Zero. In other words, the perfect choice in Cincinnati. Please, Jimmy Haslam III. Make this so.