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Here Is The Only Appropriate Way To Handle Being A Philadelphia Flyers Fan These Days

Am I saying that abusing alcohol is the ONLY way to handle being a Flyers fan right now? No I am not. But is getting shit housed drunk at the game to a point where you can’t even get up out of your seat going to make the season a little more bearable? Of course it is. Because when it comes to the Flyers, you know that misery and disappointment is constantly waiting around the corner. Even after the Flyers beat the Buffalo Sabres 6-2 on Saturday, that 7-1 loss to Winnipeg is coming just 24 hours later. And when the team typically plays such a lifeless and boring 50 minutes of hockey every game aside from the rare 10 minutes where they are buzzing around, sometimes you need to gas a few extra beers to make the games entertaining. If you just sit through and watch that shit sober for a full 60 minutes, you’re torturing yourself. So let’s not go too hard on these old geezers for hitting the bottle a little too hard. It’s not their fault this team has no life or any bite unless it’s starting to play like a bunch of scumbags once the game is already out of hand. If it weren’t for the Flyers being a horrific product to watch on the ice, these guys would still have at least some control of their body. I’m not saying they still wouldn’t be a couple of drunk bastards but they’d be able to wait until they got into their Uber to pass out instead of right there in their seats.

Sidenote: Speaking of the 6-2 win in Buffalo, this might be the biggest propaganda video ever released by an NHL team and that’s including that ridiculous 1v1 interview with Eugene Melnyk and Mark Borowiecki right before the season.

After the win, the Flyers PR people filmed the Flyers enjoying some post-game buffalo wings in the locker room. Why was this rather insignificant moment both recorded in the first place and then distributed out through social media? Well because Ron Hextall had infamously been a bit of a dictator when it came to the Flyers’ diet. This type of meal would never fly under Hextall’s regime. He’d probably have some post-game kale smoothies waiting for the boys in the locker room. So the Flyers are doing everything they can here to make it seem like, “hey, look at how much fun everybody is having now! We’re like a whole new organization! Isn’t this whacky and neat?”. Meanwhile, it looks like those chicken wings did a number on the Flyers’ stomachs because they all shit themselves on the ice 24 hours later in Winnipeg. But hey, at least they get to eat wings after wins now. Because that was totally the thing that was holding this team back.