Funeral Home Under Fire for Using Nude Models to Sell Caskets

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SourceTHESE drop-dead gorgeous models are baring all for a saucy calendar to help sell to-die-for COFFINS.

Polish undertakers Lindner says it is draping heavenly beauties on top of its caskets for a “bit of fun.”

It says it shot nude female models “at the request of fans” and added a “pinch of cinema magic”.

But the Catholic church has already labelled the calendar campaign “tasteless and inappropriate”. …

A Lindner spokesman said: “This is the tenth edition of our calendar. For a decade, our trademark has been to combine opposites: a beautiful, naked human body with our perfect, exclusive coffins.

“A real gem for collectors and lovers of beauty: twelve exclusive coffins and twelve beautiful pictures of naked models.”

Company founder Zbigniew Lindner has described its coffins as “the last bed you’ll ever sleep in”.

As a below average Catholic I think I’m entirely within my rights to speak to my church the way Bill Belichick would talk to Adam Thielen and tell them they need to STFU about this. If the reports I’ve read and seen over the last, oh, 20 years or so are any indication, you’ve got more pressing matters to attend to than a smokebomb lying on a coffin in a calendar.

You know what’s really “tasteless and inappropriate?” Death, that’s what. Your lifeless corpse being drained of blood and pumped full of preservatives, then tossed in a box and buried. Your decaying flesh being eaten by bugs is about as “tasteless and inappropriate” as it gets. But that’s OK. It’s part of the bargain. Dying is the downside of being born in the first place. So if some undertaker wants to lighten the mood of my pending eternity spent as worm food by throwing a little sexual suggestion in there, that ought to be fine with us as well as with the Almighty.

Besides, no one understands better than we at Barstool do that sex sells. This is Coffin Marketing 100. The mere suggestion that a dimepiece like this had sex in my coffin would make my dying just a little bit more pleasant for me. The idea that somebody had some fun in my eternal resting place would go a long way toward making my dirt nap a happy one. So you keep doing what your doing, Zbigniew Lindner. Even the thought of hundreds of Poles jerking it to glamour shots of caskets shouldn’t bother anyone because it beats the shit out of the unpleasant reality.

P.S. On a side note, I won’t be ordering a pine box from them or any other funeral home. My financial guy has me working on a will as we speak. And I’m putting it in writing that I want to be frozen in Carbonite and kept propped up against the wall of my den like in Jabba’s lair:

CarboniteSomebody please make sure they hold the Irish Rose to that.