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Craigslist Files: Greedy Parents

You know what I’m sick of? Parents who try way too hard to appease their children. Especially when those children are stupid and annoying, which is coincidentally the case for every single child in the world. If your dumbass kid begs for something they don’t need or deserve, then you should simply say “no,” and they should subsequently shut the fuck up. If your kid wants a pony? Then, the first thing you should do is laugh in his or her ignorant face. A kid wanting a pony is a punchline, not a reality. So when I find out about a parent who thinks their child should just get a pony for no reason, I feel an innate desire to make their life worse.

Oh? Your 6-year-old daughter would love a pony? Like every 6-year-old daughter in the world? Is she going to pay for it? Is she going to take care of it? Is she going to feed it and milk it and artificially inseminate it? Your 6-year-old daughter has no worthwhile equine skills and would be better suited for an old, wooden rocking horse.

Same deal with puppies. I’m sick of it.

This guy was such a cheapskate that he ruined my chance of delivering the crowd-face punchline of texting a picture of an entirely different animal species.