St. Louis Football Is BACK In The Form Of The XFL

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RAMS WHO? Would anybody want an 11-1 NFL team when you can have the XFL? 2020 can’t get here fast enough!

The NFL has 32 cities. Basically anybody and their brother can be an NFL city. The XFL is much more exclusive, however, and is limited to a select 8 cities. New York (center of the universe ever heard of it?), DC (Capital of the United States ever heard of it?), Dallas & Houston (Texas is pretty goddamn big ever heard of it?), Tampa Bay (Strip club capital of the world ever heard of it?), Seattle (where Starbucks was started?), and Los Angeles who they clearly included just to have rivalry games with St. Louis. I feel for the fans of supposed “sports cities” like Chicago and Boston not included in what was obviously the litmus test of fan support in the United States.

St. Louis is on the rise these days with the announcement of a resolution passing to further the goal of bringing an MLS team to the city.

Haters will say who cares about an XFL team or an MLS team. They might say that those are on the lesser cool end of professional sports leagues that can come to your city. That is a foolish way of thinking. Have you ever heard of “The Process”? They accrued as many 2nd Round picks as possible, prospects, projects, and anything else. We need assets and we need them quick. The Cardinals missed the playoffs and much to my dismay, the Blues are WELL on their way to following suit. We’re not exactly working with the “City Of Champions” right now. Its time to rebuild.

Then when the time is right, we may be able to trade up for an NBA team or something. You never know if a package like an XFL team, MLS team, and maybe the River City Rascals could convince a city fed up with mediocrity and let us pick off a franchise like the Bengals or the Utah Jazz. Its time to get creative if we’re going to make it back to the big time. All of this talk has me fired up. Good news, you can buy XFL St. Louis merch right now to support your future unnamed team!

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I’d like to invite Johnny Manziel to be the first quarterback of the St. Louis franchise. If he won’t play here than I’d like to personally invite Tim Tebow to quit this baseball charade and come back to the Gridiron where he belongs. No more BORING football with Sam Bradford and 2 yard runs into the O-Line on 1st, 2nd, and 3rd down. As a potential season ticket holder, I can personally guarantee you, Tim, that we will run the offense however you want. I’m talking jump passes, Wildcat sets, and a sideline pulpit to spread the good word in between drives. No one is talking about the fact that there are 8 teams in this league! That says to me we’re looking at a 12.5% chance at a championship right off the jump. The Greatest Show On Turf is back baby. As long as a traitorous ownership doesn’t bleed the fanbase dry with endless lineman, 5-11 seasons, and dimly lit 13-10 games with the atmosphere of a funeral procession, I think we’re headed for the promised land.

(OBLIGATORY GREATEST SHOW ON TURF HIGHLIGHTS)