How About Our New Philly Smut King Wanting To Make This Yeti An Emergency GTA?

So our new Barstool Smut King hits me up on Gchat insisting this was Emergency GTA worthy. Listen, I’m a simple man. I drive a 2003 Saab. I urn for the day when I can upgrade my canned tuna from water to olive oil. Mesh shorts and intramural t-shirts comprise 95% of my wardrobe and I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable. But I DO NOT want to imagine my pride and joy in anything that has the slightest chance of it breaking off, let alone make a photo of it an Emergency GTA. That thing probably acts like a vice with a suction pump and does nothing to get a rise. In fact, it makes it retreat for shelter like a frightened turtle. Shrinkage x 100. If that’s just me, so be it. But if you try to conquer this hide you’re better off sticking your dick in a wood chipper because it ain’t coming back in one piece.

Send this thing back to the Amazon or Skull Island. Or even better, put her eggs on the black market. If you don’t get a D-I athlete or better or your money back. It’s much safer to reproduce in a Petri dish with this Thoroughbred than risking death by Snu-Snu.