Nobody Had A Bigger Night In The NFL Than BBQ Sauce And Cheese Whiz
Now if there’s one thing that we can all agree on, it’s that the Monday Night Football broadcast last night was epic. Everything from the guys walking on eggshells trying to discuss domestic violence to spending roughly an entire quarter talking about Jason Witten’s last jersey he ever wore. It was all a beautifully woven together to tell the story of the Eagles vs the Redskins on Monday night. But the real highlight of the night? Well it was hard to miss considering they went back to it at least 5 or 6 times–the Jason Witten vs Zach Ertz receptions graphic that gave us the one true rivalry we never knew we needed in our lives; BBQ Sauce vs Cheese Whiz.
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand the BBQ Sauce vs Cheese Whiz debate. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of condiment preferences based on geographical location, most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer’s head. There’s also Jason’s robotic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterization- his personal philosophy draws heavily from a cardboard cutout of himself, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they’re not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike the BBQ Sauce vs Cheese Whiz debate truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humor in Jason’s existential catchphrase “You have to tackle there,” which itself is a cryptic reference to Tony Romo’s epic “Aaaaah Jim I juuuuuust donnnn’t knoooowww”. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as ESPN’s genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them.
But seriously. Do you get it? Jason Witten played for the Dallas Cowboys. Dallas is in Texas. Texas is typically known for BBQ food, thus making them more likely to apply BBQ sauce to their cuisine. On the other hand, Zach Ertz plays for the Philadelphia Eagles. Philly is known for the cheesesteak, thus making Cheese Whiz the applicable metaphor to represent Ertz. What ESPN did here was they took the local cuisine from both cities to represent the two tight ends–one of which currently holds the record for most receptions by an NFL tight end in a season, and the other who is chasing that record and coming extremely close to catching it. And in case you didn’t understand the concept the first time, ESPN did everybody a solid and they went back to it again, and then again after that, and then again some more. Huge night for a couple of legendary condiments.
