Some Dude Named Luke Sky Walker Just Got Arrested And I'm Pissed That He Is Disparaging Luke Skywalker's Good Name
New York Post- Luke Sky Walker, 21, was arrested Thursday by police in Elizabethton, Tennessee, for a probation violation in connection to a felony theft charge. The jailbird namesake of the Jedi master was then taken into custody at the Probation and Parole Office before being taken to the Carter County Detention Center, WCMH reports.
Hey folks. Hope your mornings are all going well. I came across a very interesting name as I was filing through this weekend’s arrests in the papers and felt the need to share it with all of you.
As you could see above, a man named “Luke Sky Walker” was arrested in Tennessee for violating his parole, that being for a felony theft charge. And I’m pissed off about it.
I don’t know if his parents named him Luke Sky Walker, or he legally changed his name to Luke Sky Walker, but regardless of how the name was given, our friend here now has a reputation to uphold. I’m not saying he’s gotta create world peace or stop global warming or anything crazy like that – I don’t want him to actually be Luke Skywalker – but he just can’t be channeling the dark side of the force like he is, robbing civilians blind, and he ABSOLUTELY cannot be getting gauges in his ears.
My pal – and REAL Luke Skywalker – Mark Hamill roasted this dude’s height, which I didn’t even notice at first, but you’ve gotta love a classic short dude chirp:
So Luke Sky Walker, please, on behalf of all Star Wars fans everywhere, stop bein’ such a fuck up. Get it together. You get a speeding ticket every now and then, on your way to picking up some power converters? No problem. Don’t be robbin’ people though, and definitely don’t be violating your parole. Remember – reputation to uphold.
P.S. The real Luke Skywalker also because best pals with Ariana Grande over the weekend, which was unexpected, but kinda nice!
…MEANING – I’m now officially on Ariana’s side of the breakup. F U, Pete. Arianators Unite!