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Guy Gets Stomped to Death by the Elephant He Hit With His Car

SourcePolice say a man was killed by a wild elephant after his speeding car hit the animal near a national park in northeastern Thailand.

Police Lt. Col. Kemchat Paedkaew says the accident occurred at dusk Wednesday on a small road that has signs telling drivers to beware of wild animals that sometimes stray from Khao Yai National Park.

He said the driver was not from the area and failed to slow down when he encountered the elephant. When the vehicle struck the elephant’s back legs, the animal responded by stomping on the car, destroying the engine and killing the driver.

Kemchat says up to two people are killed by elephants each year in areas surrounding the park.

I’m going to open up the kimono here and be perfectly open and honest with you. I’m pretty speiciesist when it comes to the animal kingdom.  I prefer vertebrates over invertebrates. Warm-blooded over cold-blooded. I root for my fellow primates over four-legged animals. I’ll take a mammal over a non-mammal any time except Shark Week, because fuck seals. They’re just floating hamburgers and a shark’s got to earn a living too. And of course I’ll take the human side in almost every fight against any other living creature. Especially – sorry vegans –  if that other creature happens to be delicious.

With exceptions. And this is one. in this instance, I’m on Team Elephant all day.

I’m sorry one of my own kind won’t be down for breakfast, but that’s entirely on him. If ever there was a case where victim-shaming is justified, this is it. Hey asshole, this wasn’t some squirrel darting out under your tired or a deer bounding out in front of your car before you could react. It’s a goddamned pachyderm. The largest land animal on Earth. Which, according to my crack research team (Wikipedia), has a top speed of 16 mph. Meaning you could drive outrun the thing with your car in first gear. The trick isn’t avoiding one of these majestic beasts, it’s hitting one.

Well congrats to this guy, he managed to. He went flying down Elephant Road at full speed and slammed into one. And as fate would have it, the wrong one. An elephant who can take a punch as well as he can dish one out. Five tons of great vengeance and furious anger. Who’s as fed up with speeders as he probably is with tourists calling him Dumbo.

So yeah, nice going Larry Leadfoot. You fought the elephant and the elephant won. And in one of those rare instances, I’m glad my own kind lost.