Live EventLIVE Reaction to The Bachelor Week 3: Cutting StemsWatch Now
Welcome to Big Game Week: El Pres, Big Cat, Riggs and more LIVE from Barstool ScottsdaleWATCH NOW

Irish Soccer Team Fakes a Player's Death to Get Out of Playing a Game

SourceA lower-level Irish soccer team apologized Tuesday for faking the death of one of its players in an apparent attempt to avoid an upcoming game. …

Ballybrack FC falsely told officials with the Leinster Senior Football League that one of its players had died in a “traffic accident” on Thursday night. The league subsequently postponed Ballybrack’s game on Saturday and held a moment of silence for the player at all of its other games over the weekend.

Then the league discovered that the player, Fernando LaFuente, was in fact alive.

LaFuente told RTE that his full-time employer, a software company, had simply relocated him from Dublin to Galway.

“I was aware there was going to be some story on me but I thought it was going to be me breaking a leg or something like that,” LaFuente told RTE. ” … (My colleagues) started sending me all these news articles and mass media. And that’s how I found out I was dead.”

Ballybrack apologized on Facebook for what it described as “a gross error of judgement” and announced that “the person in question has been relieved of all footballing duties.”

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the people of my ancestral homeland. From the culture that brought you every made up story from Leprechauns to Finn McCool to my great-great-grandfather ditching his wife and kids and skipping off to America on his own (thanks for that, ancestry.com), comes the best soccer lie of all time. It should come as no surprise to anyone who’s ever heard an Irishman brag about the size of his wang that my people would come up with this gem.

And make no mistake, I love this. I rarely watch soccer and yet every time I’ve ever even giving it a passing glance, there’s some guy hitting the deck and writhing around on the ground doing the chest-burster scene from Alien. And most of the time it seems to work. So this is really only a fake soccer injury by a matter of degrees.

Was it crazy? Sure. Just crazy enough to work. All it would’ve taken if Fernando LaFuente to pretend to be dead long enough to for everyone to forget all about him. And how hard would that be? I mean, what were the odds someone would actually look into it? When your opponent goes so far as to hold a moment of silence for one of their own, you’ve got to be a real twisted son of a bitch to check to see if they’re faking it just to get out of playing you. To me Ballybrack aren’t the sickos here, it’s the rest of the Leinster Senior Football League that are the sickos. And I’d like the name of that lone club employee who got fired for this because as far as I’m concerned, a guy capable of that level of outside-the-box thinking can work for my team anytime. Slainte’.