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Downhill Speed Skating Seems Like A Great Time If You're Trying To Get Your Throat Slit Open

I’ve watched this video a thousand times and each time all I can think about is Clint Malarchuk getting his throat slit open by a skate. Granted, these guys have more protection than Clint did, but it’s still only a matter of time until someone gets fucked up. There are simply too many risk factors involved.

Red Bull always does this too– they make completely insane videos look normal. Think about how difficult it would be for a regular person to skate that course without getting hurt. I’m a pretty decent sk8er and there’s no chance I could make it through with anything less than a broken femur.

I’m not even going to get into how difficult it would be to Zamboni. This is going to be over most of your heads, but there’s no way you’d be able to use wash water. And how much do you cut? There would be so many puddles in the corners it’d drive you nuts. Not to mention the wheels on the Zamboni would make everything dirty like this.

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Yuck. No thanks. Rule number one of Zamboni-ing is the ice should be as smooth and as clean as eggs at all times. I don’t know if this is going to be broadcast anywhere but if it is, I’ll watch. Chances are something exciting will happen despite the dirty ice.