Pastor Pulls Big Time Power Move And Rappels From The Ceiling During His Sermon

Listen up. Religion sucks a lot but if pastors are gonna start doing shit like rappelling from the ceiling like a 1990s professional wrestler then I have no choice but to start going back to church. The main problem with church* is that it is the ultimate snoozefest. You stand up, you mutter some gibberish, you sit down, you stand up, you utter some more gibberish, you eat a cracker, you drink some wine (if you’re of age) and try not to fall asleep. That’s what church was like many moons ago when I used to go but if that video above is what church is like now, I’m all in. Shit looks lit. So much better than the bullshit I had to put up with at St. Pius.

My two favorite things about being an adult are

1) I don’t have to go to church anymore. The day my parents finally stopped forcing me to go to church on Christmas and Easter was the best day of my life. It was probably one of the worst days of their lives because they’re into the whole God thing but it was a great day for me. It was the day I finally felt fully independent

2) I can eat cookies whenever I want

That’s it. That’s the list.

*The other main problem with church is that the priests have sex with little kids and that’s bad