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Scandal Rocks The Barstool Sports Hanukkah Ugly Sweater

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So Ellie designed our only Hanukkah themed ugly sweater for this holiday season.  Let’s Get Lit.  Get it, like the menorah.

Well obviously, this being Barstool Sports, it didn’t take long for someone to notice something wrong with it.

You may have learned from school, the Adam Sandler movie, or just being alive in general that Hanukkah has – in fact – 8 nights.  8 “crazy” nights, some may say.   Each night at sundown you say the blessing, light a candle, smash some Manischewitz, and repeat for 8 nights until you’ve got 9 flames lit up (which is including the shamash, the “helper” or “attendant” candle used to light the others.)

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This of course symbolizes Judah “The Hammer” Maccabee and his loyal group of Jews rising up against the Greeks/Syrians, who under Antiochus IV outlawed the Jewish religion, massacred thousands and desecrated the Temple by erecting a statue to Zeus and sacrifices pigs in the sacred walls (not kosher.)  They drove one of the mightiest armies on Earth out of their land using badass guerrilla warfare tactics, cleansed the Temple, rebuilt the altar, and lit the candelabra.

There was only enough oil for one night of candle burning but, miraculously, it lasted for 8 straight nights, giving them time to find fresh supplies.  Now we celebrate the Festival of Lights every winter by lighting 8 candles in remembrance.

HOWEVER.

A brief history lesson will reveal that, while not commonly known anymore in the 21st century, the 7 branch menorah is historically accurate.  And, in fact, not only accurate, but actually MORE holy.

That menorah that The Hammer and his followers were lighting in the Holy Temple?  Yup, it was a 7 brancher.

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Consisting of seven branches,  it is a symbol of the menorah once standing in Jerusalem’s temple. Back then, it was lit by the High priests, ‘Kohanim’, every evening, using oil to burn it.

The seven-branched candelabra stands for light, wisdom and divine inspiration, made from pure gold according to God’s command. The branches represent human wisdom, spreading divine inspiration throughout the world. The solid gold alludes to our behavior, guiding us to strive to behave in ‘pure golden’ manner and accept holiness in our lives. The seven branches stretch our as our behavior and good deeds must spread and reach out to others. A seven branch menorah must be part of every Jewish home and lit as sign of enlightenment and symbol to temple menorah. (Source)

So the Barstool merch team didn’t get it wrong, they were just TOO respectful of Judaism for the majority of today’s readers to understand.

All of our fans from the 2nd century BCE will probably want to cop the original though.

They “fixed it” for all you millennial Jews out there who want a Hanukkah menorah.

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But they’re leaving up the Kmarko Special, if you want to pay extra High Holy wishes to your ancestors that beat the shit out of the Greeks for your freedom to one day buy 20% off ugly sweaters.

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This has been Judaism 101, now buy a sweater and help Ellie afford kosher candles this holiday season.