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Millennials Killed Monopoly And Replaced It With Millennial Monopoly.

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Breaking news:  Hasbro just hired your dad.

MONOPOLY FOR MILLENNIALS GAME: Adulting is hard; take a break from the rat race with this edition of the Monopoly game

PARTY BOARD GAME: This Monopoly game is a great choice for Millennials who need a break from the life of adulting; great for parties and get-togethers

The rules are awesome too.  Instead of getting Boardwalk you land on an apartment in NYC that you tell your friends you pay for while your dad deposits money into your checking for rent.  Pass Go and get a $245 membership to Equinox.  You don’t go to Jail you go to Therapy.  Land on Free Parking and your parents pay your phone bill.   Win by building the most eco-friendly Green initiative co-ops on your property.  It’s awesome.

It’s so freeing compared the oppressive game from the Boomer era.  No longer do you have to worry about dumb old fashioned shit like “owning property.”  You can keep Illinois Avenue and the B&O Railroad.  They probably have subprime mortgages anyway. We’ll take a gap year to find ourselves in the Mediterranean.

CHOOSE COOL PLACES AND DESTINATIONS: Collect Experience points by visiting the hottest Destinations — from your Friend’s Couch, to the Vegan Bistro, to a Week-Long Meditation Retreat.

Because what we’ve come to learn is life is too short to constantly worry about “earning money” and “contributing to society.” Do you know how much stress affects your mental and physical health? Every day of work takes like $200 worth of meditation classes to erase. No…it’s about the experiences that you have and post on Instagram to show everyone the experience you’re having.

IT’S ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE: In this version of the Monopoly game, the player who collects the most Experience — not the most money — wins the game.

Sure, I know how condescending Hasbro is being here.   But joke’s on them because now we have another activity to do instead of applying for jobs.   Monopoly just got a major upgrade.  You think we care about winning money?  Why?  So we can dump it all straight into student loans?   Fuck that.  If the bank isn’t handing out BitCoin what’s even the point.   The fuck do you even need cash for in 2018?  Our parents’ credit card works just fine.

Only problem is that $47.75 price tag.  That’s almost 6 venti skinny mocha iced lattes.

Also, I haven’t read through the entire rulebook yet, but I would hope there is no “winner” and everyone gets the trophy they are entitled to for participating.