As someone that loves pig in a blanket as much as Donnie loves crab rangoons, Big Cat loves Chris Berman, or Smitty and Nate love each other (we all know it’s true), I was legitimately offended by this picture. Triggered even. Pigs in a blanket are the GOAT hors d’oeuvres because not only are they tasty, but they are fancy enough for a million dollar wedding yet practical enough for a college Christmas party. Pigs In A Blanket is the people’s appetizer. One of my favorite parts about Twitter is that people will randomly tweet me the pigs in a blanket at a party they are at with the hashtag #SWISH and it never gets old because I know those people have the same happy feelings going through them that I have whenever I eat those delightful cocktail weenies snuggled tightly in a crescent roll.
Which is why I am so offended that this picture hit the internet now. The wonderful two month stretch between Halloween and New Years Day is unofficially #PigsInABlanketSZN. You have your Thanksgiving appetizer PIAB, Christmas party PIAB, kosher Hanukkah party PIAB, Christmas Eve PIAB, Christmas Day PIAB, forgot to make them December 26-30 PIAB, and then the grand daddy of them all, the New Years Eve/Day PIAB. For this picture to paint PIAB in a negative light during this season is nothing short of disrespectful, even if it is the British version of pigs in a blanket, which I’m pretty sure is still sausage wrapped in bacon. Regardless, I rebuke the bloke flavor scientist at Sainsbury’s and the clique they claim for turning that fake Hot Dog Water shit into a reality during what should be a joyous time around the world.
Writer’s Note: Let me add this is a super-detailed fake that not only has a Photoshopped tea from hell but also a Photoshopped price and description of said tea from hell, shame on you. The internet was made to laugh at funny and weird shit. But if that funny and weird shit turns out to be fake, the creator should be shot into the sun just like anybody that would drink what is essentially boiling water straight out of a hot dog vendor’s cart. For the first time in my life, I hope I was JMac’d