DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER, FOLKS! THE WORLD’S BIGGEST ASSHOLE!
Take a fucking long walk off a short plank, Mark Sanford. A pocket constitution? What a self-righteous ding dong brains. And as we know, there’s no coming back from being called a ding dong brains. I’d rather get given pennies or smarties or god forbid even raisins than a piece of paper with the constitution on it. Halloween is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be the time when kids dress up as super heroes, leave their 4th grade woes behind, and get candy. Get a ton of Kit Kats and Reese’s Cups. Eat a 3 Musketeers bar for the first time this year. Try to decide if a Crunch Bar is good or if you just like the texture. NOT read about constitutional law and start having debates about Roe v Wade.
Mark Sanford probably talks all the time about “owning the libs” but now he took the candy, fun, and joy out of Halloween. I hope some kid just balled it up and tossed it back into his face, like, fuck outta here with your pretentious preaching bullshit on what should be the best day of the year for a 10 year old. I’d rather get razor blades in my candy than have some douche hand me a copy of the Constitution on Halloween. And I love the Constitution! Very well written! Would recommend! But not on Halloween. And don’t put it in my fucking Christmas stocking or Easter basket either. Save that shit for 8th grade social studies and AP US History (got a 4 on the AP test nbd).
No word on if Mark Sanford’s house was egged and toilet papered last night. But you know whose house I know wasn’t? Clem’s.
Be like Clem. Don’t be like Mark Sanford.
PS: Oh shit I just realized he was the guy who disappeared for a week and it turned out he was in Argentina banging some whore. Mark Sanford you are one of a kind, my guy.