Thanks To Mike Leach, I Ask You: What Exactly Is A Stripper Costume?

Kayce Smith10/31/2018 2:39 PM

“The ironic thing is there are stripper costumes. I didn’t even know you needed a costume to be a stripper.” – Mike Leach

I love this man. Seriously, there’s nothing better than him in front of a microphone. You never know what he’s going to say and it’s awesome. Rone was sitting next to my desk when I watched this video. His first question was “why is Mike Leach talking about stripper costumes?” But never mind that. (The answer is: it’s Mike Leach.)

The real question is: What actually constitutes a stripper costume? Are we talking strip club stripper or in-home stripper? Do you layer up with tear-aways and pick your spots to undress all night? Do you just wear a lingerie set and carry a pole around? Do you wear anything at all?

I feel like this was a legit question that I needed answered on Halloween.

The only thing we agreed on was that you to have some crazy tall stilettos with the heels full of glitter or maybe even a gold fish. And because I’m an investigative journalist, I had to know the answer. So, I googled “stripper costume”:

Basically, the top results show that a “stripper costume” is just a sexy [insert occupation] or a male Chippendale’s costume.

PS – What the fuck is this?!

This feels… backwards. But whatever.

Anyway, one of the top results of costumes sold was a “retro stripper”:

No clue what makes this retro. But hey, its Halloween. You can be whatever you want.

Then I Googled “how to dress like a female stripper for Halloween”. WikiHow advised five things:

1. Wear the right shoes.
2. Wear the right underwear.
3. Wear the right clothes.
4. Wear the right accessories.
5. Wear the right makeup.

Uh… so basically do whatever you want. No help there. I also watched a little You Tube and all the videos basically just said “look like a stripper” in way, way more words.

Still very curious about this Mike Leach fact-of-the-day, I asked the girls in the office: “If you were going to be a stripper for Halloween, what would you wear?”

Liz said pink latex. Ellie said nipple tassels. Ria said a thong and a something to cover her boobs. Fran said tight dress, big hair and huge heels or leggings, a tight shirt and tall boots. Kate sent me this very detailed email where she explained not only her outfit (sexy flight attendant stripper, for those wondering), but the entire scene she would create. Kate, please blog this for the people. It’s incredible.

My last resort was to ask my friend who used to ~~strip~~ dance. She said that the key is to make sure whatever you have on doesn’t slide around easily, the shoes have to be as high as possible (but make sure you can walk without looking like a baby deer) and you have to cover your body and face in glitter spray. Oh. And have a theme song. That sets the tone for the entire outfit. Then go crazy.

Moral of the story: It can not be defined. There is no universal stripper costume. Mike Leach stays undefeated.