The Haunting Of Hill House Is Too Scary To Watch Alone But You Still Should
I shared this opinion on Twitter yesterday and was inundated with mean messages from some of the baddest hombres this world has ever seen.
“What?!”
“Wtf is scary about it? lmfao”
“It’s scary for a 5 year old. Stop feits”
“I don’t even know what to say you’re a pussy”
On and on it went, consistent attacks on my toxic masculinity for as long as the tweet remained up (it remains up as of this writing). First of all, how are people shocked that some folks find a scary television show scary? People were asking like I said the sky is orange when I simply opined that a show created to scare had succeeded. “Wtf is scary about it?” I don’t know, all the ghosts and hauntings and jump-out scenes and dead bodies and shit? I find that stuff scary. I’m a self-admitted beta male but I didn’t think being terrified of terrifying things really drove that point home.
It’s a scary show, ok? Keith texted me at 3:30 this morning then got mad at me when I responded because I should be asleep. Sorry, Keith/Dad, I was watching Haunting of Hill House so I’m obviously sitting up in the corner of my bed with every light in my entire apartment on. I’m scared if I close my eyes then the bent neck lady or the hat guy or the thing in the basement will come get me. I’m worried that if try to rest easy that the paintings in my room (which don’t exist) will start slamming themselves off the wall or the dogs outside will start barking or Annabelle will come home. It doesn’t help that my radiator turns on whenever the fuck it wants and sounds like someone is throwing a typewriter down the stairs.
The worst part is that it’s an awesome show. It’s scary, but there’s a great plot as well. It’s not just spooky. Every so often I get too scared, when covering my eyes and peeking through my fingers isn’t cutting it anymore, and have to turn it off. When that happens I’ll have to switch to The Office but eventually my cowardice becomes too much for me to bear. Much like a soldier hiding behind a car when the bullets start flying, I decide I have to join the fight. I must know what is happening in the basement, I have to turn it back on, despite the fact that we’re well past the witching hour. This vicious cycle repeats itself over and over until it takes me about three hours to finish a single episode.
But it’s worth it. It’s an awesome show with some great cinematography and storytelling so do whatever you have to to watch it. Set an alarm to wake up early and watch TV instead of going to the gym or hire a hooker to come over not to have sex but to literally Netflix and chill, whatever you have to do watch The Haunting of Hill House.