Woman Ruins a Threesome Trying to Bite One Guy's Penis Off
Southe Carolina – Hanahan Police are investigating after a man says a naked woman tried to bite his genitals.
Police say it happened Monday night while the victim was involved in a threesome.
Officers were told the woman was high on heroin and meth when she apparently attacked one of the men.
Police responded to the South Pointe Apartments on Murray Drive. Investigators say one of the men involved called 911 and said the woman attacked him and tried to bite off his penis. When officers went inside the apartment they saw a bleeding naked woman coming at them on all fours.
Police Chief Dennis Turner says they had to shoot her with a Taser to subdue her.
They had to use Narcan to revive her, he said.
“Honestly, it’s one of the most disturbing videos, body cam videos, I have seen in my career. It honestly reminded me of something you would see off of a horror movie,” Turner said Thursday.
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You know who I feel the most bad for in this unfortunate incident? Not the victim. I’m not saying he had it coming, but losing your penis is the chance you take when you have a threesome with a partner on heroin and meth. You dine with the devil, don’t be surprised if you end up on the plate. And it’s not the woman. At least she got a quality high the a good Eiffel Tower out of the deal. It’s not the other guy, even though he probably never got satisfied after she decided to go all Joey Chestnut on his buddy. Dare I say it’s not even the cops or poor Chief Dennis Turner, who I’m sure went through some trauma. That body cam footage must look like The Ring mixed with a pit bull attack. But they’re trained to handle even something as surprising as a bloody naked methhead crawling at them on all fours, and responded like pros.
No, I’m reserving my sympathy for police reporter Harve Jacobs. He didn’t sign on for this. I mean, look at this guy:
He got into the police reporting business back in the day when it was a noble calling. Back when it meant going down to the precinct to say “What’s good today, Chief?” When you’d talk to the local beat cop to ask if he’s seen any suspicious characters around. Hit the shoe shine stand to ask Old Gus for the word on the street and maybe slip him a tenner for any good leads. A time of flatfoots and gumshoes and newshounds who wore fedoras with cards that said “Press” in the band. A time when real men went with names like Harve. Back in his day, crime was crime. Robberies and homicides. Stick ups and kidnappings. Maybe some local good ol’ boys beating up on some Irishman. You know, wholesome stuff. Not junkies trying to bite some guy’s wang off in the middle of getting put on a dick rotisserie. Sorry you had to hear than, Harve Jacobs, Police Reporter. And even sorrier you had to report it. It was awkward for us too.
P.S. If you’d told me this story, I would’ve bet you the PowerBall jackpot it happened in Florida. Way to step up your Bizarre Crime game, South Carolina.