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I Make Money Moves


Quick intro time: Hi, I’m Jourdyn. I came from Barstool Heartland. I used to produce a little podcast called Heartland Radio (RIP). I made the journey to the Big Apple with a few of my pals and so far it’s going well. Now back to the blog.

This is my fourth day living in New York City, so I think I can call it home. I changed my location on my weather app, so actually this post is long overdue. I believe moving into my apartment is the hardest thing I will experience here; moving out may be worse, but we’re not thinking about that yet.

Some people say New York is expensive and they may not be wrong. These past few days have really taught me the value of a dollar. A single dollar can buy me so much in this city. I have a nice job, so let’s say I keep a few extra dollars in my pocket. On day two I paid a nice man to assemble my apartment furniture. On day three I signed up for a grocery delivery service. And here I am on day four, handing over a few bucks to a nice lady who will launder my linens for me. “But Jourdyn, you are going to go broke! Save your money.” Thank you mom, grandma, and Facebook friends for your concern, but if you know me, you know I always have a back-up plan and this move is no exception. I’m talking side hustles, people.

1. Juice

I treated myself at the end of the summer and bought a professional grade juicer. I don’t want to brag but my juice was quite the talk around Indianapolis. At the corner bodega, you can buy delicious (most likely expired) fruit for a few bucks. I hand the guy a wad of cash and get to work. I’d like to take a moment to thank my first clients, Large and Willie,___ for purchasing a 7 Day Juice Cleanse™. You two are an integral part of the Berry brand and for that you get a small discount.

2. Jam

Because my last name is Berry I have appointed myself as some sort of fruit connoisseur. I currently have three flavors on my menu including a Lemon Champagne Preserve. I’m not going to lie -it is delicious and was a big hit in the Heartland office. I look forward to enticing my new coworkers to buy some and yes, they too may get a small discount.

3. Dance

A week before I moved, I went on a scavenger hunt to find my old tap shoes. The search was successful and I shoved them in my suitcase. On street corners you see all kinds of entertainment: musicians, singers, contortionists, the people who pretend to be statues and you waste a lot of time waiting on them to blink; the list goes on and on. But you know what I don’t see? Tappers.


Ladies and gentlemen I think I’ve got it handled. If I ever do need cash, I can simply put on my money makers and get to tapping. I know people won’t give me money because I’m talented (which I am), they’ll give me money because they feel bad for me and I am perfectly ok with that. So there you have it, folks: I’m alone in a city of 8.6 million and have never felt so alive and so wealthy. Is this what greed feels like? I’ll get back to you on that; I have money to make.