Are Nose Warmers Supposed to Be a Real Thing Now?
Source – The Nose Warmer Company, a U.K. brand that produces knit nose caps so people can keep their nostrils from freezing in the cold.
“Our business started small, with one nose warmer made specifically to do the job of warming up a nippy nose!” the brand’s site reads. “Our owner soon realized that she wasn’t the only one with this problem so ….. THE NOSE WARMER COMPANY was born.”
This is one of those things that maybe two or three years ago, I would’ve looked at an said “no way.” Just dismissed as just some novelty thing on Etsy that might get a couple of dozen orders. Mostly from hot TV anchors on local morning shows to put on and say “This is the new big thing! How do I look!” for about a week or so but it would never materialize.
But that’s just my former brain talking I don’t believe in that world anymore. Our world is about everybody collectively as one united in not giving a shit. Personal dignity went over the wire on our watch and it’s not coming back. Now it’s people wearing pajama bottoms and slippers to the store. It’s eating a full meal in the middle of a crowded subway train. It’s people taking their shoes off on the plane and putting them up on the seat back. It’s a world where 10 years after you first got an FWD>>> email with the title “People of Walmart”, this still exists:
So sure, why not Nose Warmers? They’ll probably be huge. My default setting might be to rail against how stupid they are and remind everyone we’ve lived tens of thousands of years without a woolen knitted clown noses and turkey beaks on our faces. But there’s no way I can say that in 2018 without it coming across like an 80s Dana Carvey bit:
“And if you got the Bronze they’d slam steel spikes through your feet and you’re screaming ‘I won’t lose again!'” Well I’m not taking the cheese on that. I’m all about accepting change. So what if we’re about to go two generations from the men who rode out the winter at Bastogne taking German shelling in the blood-soaked snow to guys who can’t endure the walk from their Prius to the artisan cheese shop without a Kitten Mitten their nose? I’m just prepared to embrace it. Figuratively and literally. Like if you decide to wear a Nose Warmer, I will embrace you and tell you that you are loved and hope I instill whatever self respect your parents somehow failed to give you. So thanks, Nose Warmer Company for giving us the product we never realized we need.
