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Woman Demonstrates What to Do When Two Monkeys Have Sex on Your Lap

Monkey sex

SourceThis is the hilarious moment two monkeys started having sex on a mortified tourist’s lap.

The woman had taken a seat in Sangeh Monkey Forest in Bali, Indonesia, when a grey female long-tailed macaque jumped up on her knee.

As her friends got their cameras out to start filming, a male climbed up on her too – before making his move.

He positioned himself directly behind the female monkey and started thrusting back and forth. …

A tour guide eventually chased the macaques away with food, much to the delight of the mortified woman. The monkeys in the Sangeh Monkey Forest – in southwestern Bali – are considered sacred.

I post this not because I think monkey sex on a tourist’s lap is funny. The macaques are a majestic and sacred creature. And their lovemaking is a beautiful act of primal nature, whether it be in a tree, the rainforest undergrowth, or on the bare knees of some visitor.

No, I post this as a public service announcement. I’m not Crocodile Hunter (RIP), but I know enough about nature to know this is exactly how to handle two macaques banging away on your lap. Like this clip should be in one of those workplace safety films some places require employees to watch once a year. What to do if someone is having a seizure. What to do if they’re injured in an industrial accident. How to work the defibrillator if there’s a heart attack. How to handle two wild animals humping on your body. Etc.

And as this young lady demonstrated, the simple answer is: Nothing. Hold still. Make it as romantic as possible. Most of all, let them finish. That boy macaque was not going to be denied and I pity the fool that was going to blow up his spot. Or the female either, for that matter. Because she clearly had to have it. If this poor woman had pushed them off or stood up, they would’ve ripped her face from her skull and banged on top of her corpse.

It’s important to note that this doesn’t just go for monkeys, but all living things you find having sex on you. Apes, dogs, turtles, fruitbats, ferrets, reptiles, Mormons … basically anything that fucks will fuck you up if you interrupt. Good safety tip by her. Make note of it.