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I Am Officially Out On The XFL After Hearing That There Won't Be Nicknames On The Back Of Jerseys

CUNCEL DA XFL!!! I hate to blindly lose faith in an entire sports league based on one tweet alone, but I think I am indeed #done with the XFL. I know that football is football and based on some of the shit we watch in its entirety on Thursday night, we will do pretty much anything to get a hit of pigskin. But that tweet has two huuuuuge red flags in it.

The most obvious thing is the last name on the jersey. The biggest reason anybody cared about the XFL or cares about it coming back is because it was the bad boy football league. Now I’m not saying this news alone means that the new XFL is going to be a neutered version of the old XFL. But putting last names on the back of jerseys instantly makes the league that much more like boring regular football. Having stupid nicknames and sayings on the back of the jerseys made the XFL stand out a bit and gave the random players that weren’t good enough for the NFL some personality. Now there are just going to be a bunch of Smiths, Johnsons, and Houshmandzadehs Williamses running around playing shitty football. I know the XFL couldn’t do that awesome scramble for the loose ball to see who got the ball first because that is pretty much giving serving yourself with a lawsuit for doling out CTE like halloween candy on the spot.

But you gotta give the fans SOMETHING exciting or at least different, Vinny Mac.

The other reason I hate this is because I just found out that Andrew Luck’s dad is the commissioner of the XFL. I can’t believe that Vince McMahon, a guy that built his entire legacy off of entertainers that made the dick/needle move, would hire boring ass Andrew Luck’s dad as commissioner for the reboot of his renegade league. Comptroller? OK. Director of finance? Sure. Assistant to the GM that is really the GM but we have to keep up appearances so the real GM is Chad Ochocinco? Cool. But don’t try to sell me on the XFL being the XFL if Oliver gosh darn Luck is the commissioner. Jack Tunney must have been rolling over in his grave* when Vince hired a guy whose son acts like this in front of a microphone.

If Andrew “Gee Willickers” Luck is that lame, I can’t even imagine what his dad named Oliver is like. If you hate He Hate Me, I hate you.

*Rereads last sentence again to make sure I didn’t fuck anything up. We gucci!*

Actually I just found a third read flag: Talking about “proper surnames”. Anybody that uses “surnames” like a Harvard elite (no offense Francis) instead of “last names” like a normal person has no place being the commissioner of any type of football league, real life or fantasy.

I guess the AAF has my vote for upstart football league even though I know absolutely nothing about it outside of Troy Polamalu being involved. Remember how awesome that commercial of him and LaDanian Tomlinson was?

Man the American Alliance of Football is going to be awesome even though again I know nothing about its front office structure.

AAF: Feel The Rush (I don’t think that’s the catchphrase, but lets roll with it anyway).

*I am only 70% sure that Jack Tunney is indeed dead. Also if you know who Jack Tunney is, shout out to you for being a WWF OG