Before the NFL season began I was asked on a radio show (I’m pretty sure it was when I sat in on Barstool Breakfast with Willie Colon and Large, but don’t quote me on that. Most of that conversation was about Boston and how horrible some NYC strippers are) what non-Patriots story I was most looking forward to. And without hesitating I said Jon Gruden. To be more specific, Jon Gruden’s inevitable failure in Oakland. It seemed like the no-brainiest of no-brainers. A guy who’s been away too long. With too big an ego. Who’s been doing his demented “Spider Y Banana,” “I gotta tell ya,” “You know what I call this guy?” schtick for so long on TV he’s forgotten where the Jon Gruden character ends and the actual football coach begins. I did use the word “inevitable” (wherever the hell I said it). I just didn’t think I’d need to use “immediate.” But I should have.
A few fun facts about the Bruckheimerian disaster that the 1-5 Raiders are right now::
–Their one win came against Cleveland. In overtime. And it took a bad officials call to pull that one out.
–That Cleveland game was the only time the Raiders have scored more than 20 points.
–The host of QB Camp has coached Derek Carr to more interceptions than TDs and 22nd in passer rating.
–Derek Carr just got extended for $125 million
–Having traded Khalil Mack, Gruden is now reportedly shopping the No. 4 pick in 2015 and 2016’s 14th overall pick:
–And in getting blown off the island of Great Britain by Seattle, Oakland’s offense produced 185 yards and points.
So you’d think it couldn’t get much worse for Jon Gruden, but you’d be wrong. Because the internet.
We’ve come so far in just one generation. Browns fans burning Bill Belichick in effigy is ancient history. Carrying bedsheets with “FIRE ___” sloppily spray painted in block letters is so 1990s. Stadium chants are passe’. Even hiring a plane to pull a banners or using your obituary to call from a firing from beyond the grave are relics from a bygone era. But the proud tradition of demanding a head to roll lives on. In the most cyberawesome way possible.
Introducing IsGrudenGoneYet (not affiliated with Barstool Sports). Like so many great ideas, it’s brilliance is in its simplicity. Click the link and it not only answers its own question:
… it calculates how much of his $100 million is left, how much he’s already been paid, and now much he’s gotten paid while you’ve been watching the old school digital numbers drop. It’s subversive, passive/aggressive genius. Just an existential scream in minimalist form.
I just hope Gruden survives. All the way to the move to Vegas and beyond. Because if this is what it’s like six games into his tenure, imagine how many more of these he’ll be able to inspire.