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This European Ryder Cup Hype Video Made It Impossible For Europe To Lose

Well now it all makes sense. No wonder we got our dicks pushed in, cut in half, then shoved up our own asses in Paris. This video. This video’s so good I’m surprised we won a point. It’s so good not only did Europe blow us out of Paris like were the 1940 French legion but it sent the entire U.S. Ryder Cup organization into a disastrous tailspin. It plunged us into severe turmoil and fostered fist fights, love triangles, back-stabbings and leaks to the damn NY Times. The viewing of this video may have ruined the Ryder Cup forever. It may have set us back two decades. While our guys were sitting around petting each other and watching Phil Mickelson leg kicks, the Europeans watched life-altering testimony from José María Olazábal on his late buddy Seve and how what you do at this Ryder Cup will shape your legacy for all of eternity.

Team Europe after watching this video.

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Team USA after Europe watched this video.

We never stood a chance.