Donald Trump Is Gonna Send You A Text On Friday And There's Nothing You Can Do About It

Kinda fucked up that anyone can go all U2 on our phones now. I’m not even sure which is the worse uninvited message to appear on my phone: the fact that a tsunami is coming or Age Of Innocence fucking up my “recently added” playlist.

I’m out on text messaging, I’ve been out for a while. I don’t care if it’s from my best friend, my mom, or the president, texting sucks. I know people like to say they hate phone calls but guess what? They’re a million times easier than texts. It takes roughly 10 texts to plan anything, even something as simple as a drink, whereas it takes about a 30 second phone call to schedule the same rendezvous. Phone calls are *vastly* superior to texts.

I’m not necessarily advocating for phone calls, I hate those too and prefer solitude, but if you absolutely must do one of them then do the phone call. I have notifications turned off for almost every text chat I’m in and it’s the best thing ever. I don’t need my phone vibrating and giving me anxiety every 5 minutes.

Having said all that, I understand that this is described as a text message from the president when in reality it’s an emergency alert system. However, I do love how FEMA has to promise that Trump doesn’t have full control and can’t just randomly text you whatever is on his mind:

“Now you know you say presidential alert and some people are thinking, ‘Aw man, I see President Trump sending out Twitter messages all day long. Does this mean I’m going to get whatever message President Trump wants to send out through this alert system now?’” Werner said.

“No, not at all. One thing that we need make very clear is that there are laws, policies and procedures that are in place, other protocols to assure that the system is used in accordance with its intended use as defined by the law,” Antwane Johnson responded.

Pretty wild that you gotta specifically promise that the president won’t be the annoying friend texting you when he’s bored just random shit like “sup?” or sending you random articles and YouTube clips like “DID YOU SEE THIS?!” Yeah man, I work on the internet, I saw it. Also nothing is up but I’d rather lay here doing nothing instead of talk to you about pointless shit.