Every Home In America Should Have A Set Of Apocalypse Knives

The type of knives you can almost bring to a gun fight. Everything from soda cans to decapitated pig heads have no shot when these overweight, middle-aged men protect their homes during the apocalypse. Any knife that can slice a man in two at the torso AND properly cut watermelon from a distance is certifiably apocalypse proof. Can’t even imagine if I had access to this product and fat guy video when selling those bullshit Cutco knives door to door over college breaks. Would be a billionaire instead of still ducking my Uncle in fear he wants his money back from when those fuckers split in two while cutting butter.

Need a Mortal Kombat-like battle between these hard on’s vs. the Sun Tzu of YouTube cutters, the Fat Ninja Water Bottle Destroyer. Round 1, FIGHT: