Red Dead Redemption 2 Will Be So Realistic That Your Horse's Testicles Will Shrink In Cold Weather

Screen Rant- A new report on Red Dead Redemption 2 reveals that the game’s engine is so realistic that the testicles of male horses will shrink up in cold weather. A prequel to the original Red Dead Redemption, the upcoming game will center upon outlaw Arthur Morgan – a member of the Dutch Van der Linde gang. Little has been said about the precise story beyond that, but the game’s developers have spoken at length about how Red Dead Redemption 2 will set a new standard for realism in open world sandbox games.

The game will feature a similar level of realism in other areas as well. Guns will require regular maintenance, just like in the Fallout games. Weapons and clothing will both be customizable, but heavier clothing will make it more difficult for players to swim if they wind up in the water. The weather physics will also be such that snow which settles on Arthur Morgan will eventually melt into water and mud will dry and flake off of his boots.

Welcome to the future ladies and gentlemen! Yeah we don’t have the flying cars and hoverboards that we were promised in the movies. But the video game industry has officially reached its zenith now that we can tell the temperature in the virtual world we are playing in by taking a quick gander at your horse’s gonads. Simply including horse balls in the game and letting you know if you are riding a filly or a colt would have been an impressive feature. However, going the extra mile and including shrinkage is up there with the Madden ambulance for most revolutionary addition to a video game ever. And in case horse balls didn’t sell you on this upcoming epic game, maybe horse shit will.

RockstarIntel reports that Red Dead Redemption 2 includes dynamic testicle physics for the horses in the game world, which will have realistic biological reactions. That is to say they will defecate and produce manure just like a real-life horse, in addition to having their testicles shrink in cold weather.

Did Rockstar do it again or did Rockstar do it again? The people that turned Grand Theft Auto into the most realistic experience of being a criminal mastermind without having to delve your toe into real life debauchery continue to revolutionize the gaming industry. Not only will your horse’s scrotum tell the story of how cold it is, but the steam rising from its shit will as well. No wonder Rockstar takes as long to release a new game as Dr. Dre does to release a new album. Rockstar is not simply creating a video game world, but they are taking the real world, somehow shoving it all into a video game without any stone/sack unturned, and won’t say its finished until its absolutely perfect. October 26th cannot get here soon enough.

And that was talking video game horse balls and horse shit.