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Tiger Woods Must Win Tomorrow For America And The Ryder Cup

I got so caught up in Tiger mania I didn’t even realize tomorrow is even bigger than Tiger. It’s bigger than any of us. Tomorrow is about nations. It’s about continents. Tomorrow — with Bubba, Reed, and Phil sucking dick this week while the Euros nibble at the leader’s heals — America has only one hope. Only one giant-dicked, alpha American who can stop Europe and keep our tour’s finale in American hands.

America has only one man it can turn to.

Big.

Dick.

El.

Drick.

Huge day tomorrow. I’m going to be so fucking nervous.