The Vancouver Canucks Are Thinking About Banning Video Games On The Road
The Vancouver Canucks haven’t had a winning season since the 2014-15 year. And even in that season, they got bounced in the first round of the playoffs. Now some people may say that their biggest problem is that they had an aging core and didn’t plan properly for the end of the Sedin era so they weren’t able to surround them with enough young talent to make that transition smoother. Not saying that everybody would be saying that but it could definitely be viewed that way. When you finish 7th in your division two years in a row and 6th the year before that, clearly you have some serious issues with your roster. But apparently that’s not the case for the Vancouver Canucks. Apparently it’s those gosh dang video games that are keeping them down in the basement with the Arizona Coyotes. And it’s about time they do something about that gosh dang Fortnite and the PlayBox and the X Stations.
That’ll do the trick. I’m gonna go ahead and throw a future in on the Vancouver Canucks as my 2018-19 Stanley Cup Champions before the Fortnite ban becomes official and the odds change. It’s all those gee dee millennial’s faults that the Canucks have been cheeks for the last 3 years. Blame Bo Horvat. Blame Brock Boeser. Blame Elias Pettersson. These young kids come in with their ridiculous amounts of skill and ability to score the puck and their goddamn video games. It’s ruining everything.
You take away their Fortnite and now guess what? Now they have more time to go out and drink on the road with the boys. Now they can stay out nice after team dinners to team build, end up getting #InOne and feel like complete shit the next day heading to morning skate. Back in my day if you were puking at center ice from being so hungover you thought you were going to die, we’d kick your ass off the team. You’d be cut right there on the spot. See ya later. But now we’ve got all these nerds in the league who stay in playing video games all night while drinking their fucking smoothies and eating rice cakes and shit because they’re allergic to everything else. That’s not how you win hockey games. You want to win? Go get shit faced with the boys after a big win on the road. Don’t go running back to your hotel room immediately to get on your precious little Xbox. So who do you want to be more like? Do you want to be a bum like Patrik Laine and play Fortnite all the time? Or would you want to be like Michael Del Zotto and do whatever the hell that guy ends up doing on the road? That’s what I thought.