Monday Homestretch/I HATE NY
After reaching new highs last week, markets are lower across the board this afternoon. Trump imposed new 10% tariffs on $200 billion of Chinese goods just after midnight last night (noon in Beijing), spanning thousands of products, including food seasonings, baseball gloves, and industrial machinery parts. China retaliated immediately with new taxes of 5-10% on $60 billion of US goods such as meat, chemicals, clothes and auto parts.
Crude-oil prices are up sharply after OPEC met over the weekend but delivered no formal plan to boost output to offset a decline in supply caused by Trump’s sanctions on Iran.
Outside of that, it looks like M&A Monday, with a shitload of deals announced earlier today or over weekend… Sirius XM (SIRI) buying Pandora (P) for $3.5 Billion. Barrick Gold (ABX) to buy Randgold (GOLD) for $6.04 Billion. Comcast outbid 21st Century Fox and its powerful backer, Disney, on Saturday in an auction for control of European broadcaster Sky. Michael Kors is close to buying Versace for $2 Billion.
It’s a shame Gianni isn’t alive to see that last one, but at least his sister Donatella is still around. Hopefully she’ll direct her part of the proceeds towards her ongoing quest to grow old gracefully as a fucking muppet.
BARSTOOL FINANCE Calendar
Tuesday — KB Home and Nike earnings; US consumer confidence; Bill Cosby Sentencing Announcement
Wednesday — Large Co-Hosting Barstool Breakfast; Bed Bath & Beyond and Carmax earnings; Federal Reserve interest rate decision; US new home sales for August; Meatball Night at Elio’s
Thursday — Rite Aid, Carnival and Accenture earnings; final revision of US second-quarter GDP
Friday — Large Co-Hosting Barstool Breakfast; Last Trading Day of Q3
I am a bit sluggish today after donning my best bolo tie and chasing the dragon last night with Willie Colon at my local Italian joint.
I tried to keep up with Willie, but I was completely overwhelmed with his ability to drink multiple alcohols in large quantities.
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Four martinis, a little bit of red, 2 disgusting black cherry grappas, a double Bailey’s, and a nice 30 year-old tawny port at the very end has my hands shaking uncontrollably as I type this… Willie nearly doubled those numbers.
I used to think I could hang with the big boys. I won’t make that mistake again.
THE COSBY SHOW- I mentioned in the calendar above, Bill Cosby began his sentencing hearing today. It’s supposed to be a 2 day affair, so we should get a final decision sometime tomorrow. Reminds me of a little Cosby trivia you may or may not know… Bill Cosby allegedly scored a 500 on his SATs (out of 1600). For reference, I scored in the 1300’s and I am dumb enough to think I can go drink-for-drink with a Super Bowl winning offensive lineman.
When I was in high school, the rumor was that you got 400 points for just filling out your personal information correctly… Which I never believed. Still, 500 is very low, and the rumor that Bill scored that low is probably not true, but if The Coz scored anywhere near there, it would explain why he was dumb enough to think he could tranquilize and then sexually assault dozens of broads and get away with it.
Staying on SATs, there are a handful of celebrities known to have had near perfect scores… Bill Gates, Natalie Portman, Ben Affleck, and James Woods are probably the most notable.
But do you know who had a 1440?
This lady…
Retired porn star, Asia Carrera’s grades and SAT scores were so high that she got a full ride to Rutgers (raised in Little Silver, NJ), but turned to stripping to make some cash during school.
She’s a member of Mensa, her IQ is listed at 156, and she learned HTML to design her own website Asia Carrera XXX Buttkicking Homepage
If you do click that link… and not to doubt the credit I just gave Asia above… but the site doesn’t scream “genius” as you are looking at it.
I HATE NY- Ever notice these things on random corners in Manhattan?
No, not the 2 douchebags on CitiBikes… I’ll get to them next week. I am talking about the giant pressurized canisters on the right.
Last time I checked, we live/work in a city that is so hated globally, that a couple of radical cocksuckers stole planes and flew them into fucking buildings downtown. And yet, we have random canisters of pressurized gas on street corners that seemingly could be detonated by a well hucked M-80.
“If you see something, say something.” … Well, I see these fucking things every day, and I know its only a matter of time before the shrapnel from one cuts through my fucking spleen while I wait on line for a knish, while some giggling terrorist speeds away in a filthy van.
I fucking HATE New York.
Take a report.
-Large
PS- When I was doing a Google search for “Asia Carrera”, I had typed in A-S-I-A and Google immediately suggested, “Did you mean Asia Carrera?”
Asia itself is a fucking continent filled with many mysteries and details, but Google takes into account my search history and puts a land mass that is 17.21 million mi² big as its number 2 search suggestion behind a washed-up porn star from the 1990’s.
I gotta clean up my act.
TAR
-L