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Anynomous Scouts Eviscerate Your 2014 Philadelphia Phillies

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FOXSPORTS – The scouts’ early reviews on the Phillies are in. And to put it kindly, they are less than glowing.

“They’re awful,” said one.

“Painful to watch,” said another.

“Their window didn’t close slowly — it shut,” said a third.

Right now, scouts are asking whether the Phillies are even as good as the Marlins.

As good as the Marlins? Yippie-Ki-Yay motherfucker!

Embarrassing. Philadelphia isn’t a fair-weather city. Even when this team was a disgrace to mankind from the late ’80’s to early 2000’s (kind exception to the glorious, sauced up year that was 1993) asses were still in the seats at the Vet. But this team is going to be very, very tough to root for. If this year is considered a “success”, it’s a second wild-card birth. No shot in hell they’re going to compete for a championship. And fuck that. It’s go big or go home in this town. Kind of want to see them implode and cast away these old timers and big salaries. Get a young, fiery team in there where Ryne’s tough love will be more beneficial to them than to veterans who have been used to pissing wherever they pleased since the mid 2000’s.

The Phillies payroll is going to fall somewhere around $150 million this year. They’re are responsible for 2 out of the 3 top salaries in baseball with Clifton Lee and Ryan Howard getting a cool $25 mill each. The Marlins TOTAL PAYROLL is projected to be under $25 mill. And we’re not even including Cole Hamels coming in 6th receiving $23.5 mill this season for his bruised left noodle.

There’s one person and one person to blame for this clusterfuck right now, and that is Ruin Tomorrow Jr. Has there been a move made in the past 2 years since bringing back Cliff Lee that he’s done right? Should’ve never gotten rid of Lee in the first place. Completely dismantled the farm system and overpaid everyone in sight. I respect Jimmy Rollins, but dammit let the man walk for the contract you gave him last year. Love the idea for locking up Cole but as one of the Top 3 paid pitchers in baseball? Has he proven to be that since 2008? The Marlon Byrd signing was bad and actually defending he’s going to be one of the best bats on the field at any given time is as embarrassing as it gets. Even the little things like releasing Wilson Valdez for absolutely no reason at all when there was no adequate infield backup is firable.

Oh, and Happy Belated 40th Birthday to Bobby Abreu. I hate this team.