South Korean Parents Are Hiring "Intimidating Fake Uncles" To Protect Their Children From School Bullies

‘Uncles’ are coming to the rescue for the bullied students. According to a report by Chosun Ilbo on September 12, the ‘Uncle Service’ is now a growing business.

The ‘Uncle Service’ comes in 3 different packages – the ‘Uncle Package’, the ‘Evidence Package’, and the ‘Chaperone Package’.

The ‘Uncle Package’ is a service where a big, intimidating man in their 30s-40s pretends to be a student’s uncle. The ‘uncle’ will give a stern warning to the bullies, and accompany the student on their way to and back from school. The service is provided for 500,000 KRW (443 USD) per day.

So it appears school bullying has gotten so bad in South Korea that the schools can no longer do a damn thing about it. They’ve given up and are now imploring parents to hire “fake uncles” so that they can intimidate the bullies and get them to stop. This is so outrageous that I love it. There are actually three different packages you can buy.

1. The ‘Uncle Package’ provides an intimidating 30-40 year-old who pretends to be the child’s uncle. The ‘uncle’ will interact directly with the bullies, warning them not to mess with the child. They will also accompany the child to and from school. The package costs 500,000 KRW ($443) per day.

2. ‘Chaperone Package’ is the most costly service being offered. For 2 million KRW (1,772 USD), the ‘uncle’ will visit the bully’s parents workplace, where they will shout “a parent of a bully works here” in front of their buildings. The price includes four visits.

This is by far my favorite. Just bombarding an adult’s workplace and outing them for their kid being a bully by screaming it in front of their boss and co-workers. That’s worth $1,772 if you ask me.

3. ‘Evidence Package’ is the lowest tier, costing 400,000 KRW ($354). The ‘uncle’ will obtain evidence of the child being bullied with mini cameras. After reporting the evidence to the school, the ‘uncle’ will say, “I’ll submit an official complaint to the school board if you guys do not properly investigate the case. We want a clear resolution.”

My question is can you pick your uncle? Is there a database like where you go to hire a hitman and you can select your guy? I need my uncle looking as intimidating as humanly possible. I’m talking a chest tattoo that you can see peeking out of the top of his shirt. You absolutely need a hoop earring too. You know what just give me Creed when he dies his hair black using printer ink.

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or Uncle Leo

or Uncle Buck with a power tool

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Let’s scare the fuck out of some bullies. Stuff them in some lockers and threaten them for talking shit to our innocent kids. This is how we solve bullying in America. South Korea is just ahead of the times and I commend them for it.

Also South Korea’s currency is outrageous. 2 million KRW equals just under two grand USD? How is that a thing?