Hey, Phil. Welcome back, bud. Great to see you again. How was the summer? Do anything fun? Anything out of the ordinary? Enjoy yourself at all
“No. Same old shit, ya know” – (Kessel, Phil 2018).
In case you couldn’t tell by the font, that headline is what we in the biz like to refer to as sarcasm. Because I’m pretty sure that everybody in the world can believe that Phil Kessel just did the “same old shit” all summer long. That’s just the way this legend lives his life. He’s probably so goddamn pissed he has to be back at work now instead of keeping up with his daily summer routine. What is that routine you ask? Well luckily I was able to get my hands on Phil’s daily planner so here’s a quick look at his Same Old Shit Schedule.
- 10:45am – Wake Up
- 11:05am – Eat Frosted Flakes and watch some of his own highlights on YouTube
- 11:45am – Ignore all of Sid’s texts asking if he wants to go workout today. Tell him maybe tomorrow (wink).
- 12:30pm – Golf at least 9 holes. Try to stick to light beer, season will be here soon.
- 2:30pm – Snack Time
- 3:00pm – Prank phone call Randy Carlyle
- 3:45pm – Re-tape stick a few times. Training camp is almost coming up
- 4:0opm – Snack Time, something light before the gym. Maybe some beef jerky.
- 4:3opm – Attempt to go to gym, accidentally “leave headphones at home” so you have to turn around
- 5:15pm – Welp, no gym so gotta load up on protein. Time for some hot dogs
- 5:50pm – Learn Russian so he can finally understand when Malkin is talking shit behind his back
- 7:30pm – Call agent, demand a trade
- 8:45pm – Worked hard today, treat self to ice cream (no more than THREE scoops)
- 10:oopm – Go to sleep, need full 12 hours
As you can clearly tell, Phil Kessel is an extremely busy man. There’s not a single minute of the day where he’s not doing at least something. And that’s his offseason regiment. A lot of guys wouldn’t be able to handle that level of work ethic. A lot of guys just completely shut down once the season is over and they don’t have to have their days completely blocked out with practice and workouts and games and shit like that. But Phil Kessel? The man is a workhorse. He never stops going. Does he wish he could have gone on some extravagant for a few weeks? Sure he does. But that’s not how you become the best. Maybe doing the “same old shit” isn’t the most luxurious way to spend your summer but that’s why he’s Phil Phuckin’ Kessel and you’re not.