I Had A Colonoscopy This Morning: My Asshole Is Endless


Well, this morning I had an appointment where a doctor stuck a large camera inside my asshole. I have been nervous about this appointment for a while. I believe that I have said it before, but I am uncomfortable with the look of my butthole because I think it’s too gingery. It looks like pumpernickel and I don’t want people to see it or comment on it on the internet. It’s something I’m private about. Respect that, please. This morning, a team of health professionals looked inside my asshole. What did they find? More asshole.

I was rather surprised how far a camera can go inside one’s anus. It’s like my ass was never-ending. With every corner that the camera would gently round, there were 3 more corners. It just kept going and going and going. I felt like my asshole was a magician’s sleeve but instead of pulling out handkerchiefs, he was shoving in a high definition camera. Every now and then, the doctor would stop the camera, point out something in secret butt doctor code, and continue on his journey to what I have to assume was my throat.

I’ve watched the Magic Schoolbus, so I know that the colon and intestines are only so long, but I guess I had no idea just how long they were. It truly is mind-blowing how much space we have in our anuses. You can fit just about anything inside there once you get past the door. The door can be a tight squeeze, but once you’re inside the foyer of your ass, the rest of the place has an open floor plan.

Also, when the camera was going in, I let out a tiny, tiny little bubble of gas. Some would call that a fart. I wouldnt. I’d call it gas because I’m a gentleman. My doctor, being a professional, just simply called it “wind.”

“Letting out a little wind is normal.” All I could think about was, “damn. people blow wind near this dude’s hands all day. I bet he hates his job.” I stopped thinking about it though because, as my doctor reminded me, it’s important to stay relaxed when there’s a camera in your rectum.

I’m waiting for medicine now. He said I might be a little sore later. I think he’s right because I feel kinda tender already.