Why Is Ray Allen Trying To Hurt Me?

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Oh what the hell. Right after Ray’s induction ceremony I found myself practically over the whole leaving the Celtics for Miami thing. Enough time had gone by for me to move on, I was willing to accept that part of Ray Allen’s career while no longer holding a grudge. But a man can only take so much and I’m sorry, Ray Allen joining the Lakers would undo all the personal work I’ve done up until this point, and is frankly unacceptable. I know him and LeBron have a history, and I know the Lakers have an open roster spot, but Ray Allen joining the Lakers is just something I cannot, no, I will not accept.

When Ray left for MIA they were “rivals”, but not really. They were like in the moment rivals. But the Lakers/Celtics rivalry is something different, anyone with a brain will tell you that There is nothing that I want more in this world than the Big 3 to get along with each other, and if this were to happen I’m not sure we’d ever get there. Now I know what you’re going to say. I know Rajon Rondo currently plays for the Lakers. Even though I’ve done by best to block out that reality, his situation is different. I don’t know why but it just is OK? Stop pressing me. Maybe because he doesn’t have a history of going to a Celtics “rival” it just feels like a different situation to me and my nonsensical brain. Don’t get it twisted, I hate that move with the power of a thousand suns as well, but I just can’t sit here and live in a world where LeBron continues to win with former Celtics. I don’t care if that’s illogical or makes no goddamn sense it’s how I feel in my heart of hearts.

And the worst part of this whole thing is I KNOW Magic is calling Ray and his people to gauge interest. Shit, $10M that’s it? Magic has that in his wallet right this second. So while there is some level of entertainment in seeing Laker die hards now have to root for guys like LeBron and Rondo, two guys they hated, I don’t want to give them the privilege of also watching the shooting dominance that is Ray Allen. So please, spare me the heartbreak and just stay retired. Or you know what? The Celtics might have a roster spot open up with this whole Jabari Bird situation, why don’t you just come back, hit a million threes and everyone forgets you ever left.

That sounds WAY better.